Sweet Child O Mine
by yvj
Summary: Guess the Author 3 submission. Ron faces the hardest obstacle in fatherhood.


A/N I actually had this story in mind for months but I didn't really have the motivation to put it on "paper" but the Guess the Author Contest gave me that motivation when I found that adapting it to the "training" premise wouldn't be that difficult. Anyway the story is me once again flexing my humor muscels and hopefully it'll give you some warm fuzzies as well...Enjoy

* * *

The principal of Middleton elementary adjusted his tie as he stepped up to the podium at the edge of the stage "How about another round of applause for Frank and his mysterious magic frogs!" 

He raised his hands towards the boy on the center stage. The school gymnasium erupted in applause as young Frank skipped happily off stage.

In the audience Kimberly Anne Stoppable, James Possible and his wife Anne Possible sat in the front row. The best seats in the house for the fifth annual school talent show.

"Ron isn't going to go overboard again like last year is he?" Anne whispered to her daughter.

"Not this time, I've made sure of that" Kim sighed "but believe me he tried, he wanted to use a smoke machine this time."

"Really?"

"And fireworks, plus he spent three months learning how to play the piano just for this one night. He couldn't get it in his head it was just a kid's talent show"

Anne laughed "and I thought you were the competitive one"

"Mother it's not about competition with Ron; it's about showing off his daughter."

"So how did you get him to change his mind about the special effects?"

Kim smirked "you'll love this"

**Last night: **

**Kim: Ron no one uses special effects at an elementary school talent show**

**Ron: So I'll be the first, I'm a trend setter remember.**

**Kim: Ron the other parents are bound to get angry. You don't want to look like you're showing off do you?**

**Ron: But that's exactly what I am doing! Showing off to the world my beautiful and multi-talented daughter!**

**Kim: **sighs **Ron she doesn't need all these props. Again it's only a children's talent show for God's sake**

**Ron: You're right Kim my daughter doesn't need gimmicks. Her talent alone will be enough. What was I thinking? All this extra stuff is taking away from her spotlight.**

"Unbelievable" Anne shook her head but she still had a smile on her face "Daddy's little princess huh?"

"Bingo, you wouldn't believe how much he fawns over her"

"Oh I think I can relate" Both women turned to James Possible who was tearing into a packet of peanuts.

He looked up at them "What?"

"Him too huh?"

"Oh yeah" Anne answered.

"Fathers" they said in unison.

The principal cleared his throat, as two janitors rolled a piano into the middle of the stage.

"And now our next contestant Roni Stoppable will be accompanied by her father Ronald Stoppable on piano. She'll be singing the classic song "Lollipop"

With a handful of applause Ron strolled onto center stage and took a seat on the piano bench. A moment later a sweet faced little girl with red hair and freckles skipped her way towards the piano, the skirt of her yellow sundress flowed all around her. Her tap shoes clicked across the wooden floor as she moved across the stage. She bowed to the audience, before glancing back at her father with a smile.

Roni spread her arms out and started to tap out a specific rhythm with her tap shoes. Then she started to sing "lollipop, lollipop. Oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop, lollipop."

She stopped abruptly. On cue Ron made a popping sound with his mouth and his hands immediately danced across the piano keys. Roni continued dancing matching her rhythm with the piano's.

"Call my baby lollipop. Tell you why, his kiss is sweeter than an apple pie. And when he does his shaky rockin' dance, man, I haven't got a chance. I call him lollipop, lollipop. Oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop, lollipop."

She stopped again, Ron makes the mouth popping noise again but this time he followed it with "ba boom, boom, boom"

At this point Roni has added fancy twists and twirls to her dance as she impressively tapped around the stage. "Sweeter than candy on a stick, huckleberry, cherry or lime, if you had a choice. He'd be your pick. But lollipop is mine."

"Lollipop, lollipop. Oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop, lollipop."

Mouth pop "Ba boom, boom, boom" This time instead of returning to the piano Ron started to clap.

Roni sang a cappella accompanied only by her tapping and Ron's clapping. Her angelic voice filled the air of the auditorium.

It was taking everything he had for Ron not to burst into tears right there on stage from the sight of his little baby on stage.

"Lollipop, lollipop. Oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop, lollipop!"

The audience exploded with applause. Roni rushed happily into her father's arms, confetti and balloons fell from the sky, Roni was then elected the sweetest and cutest girl in the galaxy and then……..

The alarm clock forcefully pulled Ron from his slumber. Angrily he reached across the night stand, ripped the clock out of its socket and hurled it at the nearest wall.

"Stupid clock wakes me up every morning."

Half awake he stared down at the wreckage on the floor "note to self, remember to tell Kim that we need a new alarm clock."

It was a less then glorious Monday morning as Ron; sleep still in eyes, ambled down the stairs of his home.

Man life was rough; you spent eighteen plus years of your life going to school so you could spend the latter part of your life going to work. God-willing you'll live to be seventy, then you can retire and finally do all the fun things that you were now too old to do.

He sighed; well there was one good thing about being a semi-responsible adult. Yes his family, his great, terrific, absolutely wonderful family.

Ron smiled to himself as Kim poured herself a cup of coffee. His ten year old blond haired son Jamie sat at the kitchen table a spoonful of cereal in one hand a handheld gaming system in his other.

Ron opened his arms wide "Ah there's the second most beautiful creature in the world." Kim turned towards him and smiled.

"Second? And who might the first one be?"

He grabbed her by the waist "oh you should know who it is. You're married to him."

"Oh is that right "she wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked him lightly on the lips.

"Spew" cried Jamie barely lifting his head away from the game screen "Do you guys have to swap spit every morning?"

"It's not swapping spit it's called kissing and its romantic" she snatched the videogame from his hands "And no games at the breakfast table"

"Awww"

Ron glanced at the video game "Oooo is that Dragoon Warrior ten. Can I see that for a moment?"

"No games at the breakfast table that goes for the whole family"

"Awww"

Kim turned back towards her son "You'll get this back after school."

Ron smiled as he took a deep breath. Really who could ask for anything more….a beautiful wife who still happened to be his best friend, an intelligent smart-alecky yet endearing son, a smart, cute and diabetically sweet daughter…wait

"So where's Roni?" he asked.

"She should be down any minute now"

It wasn't more than a few seconds later when Roni entered the room riding a top a magnificent unicorn. Her diamond princess tiara reflected the kitchen light with a shine of brilliance, illuminating the purity and innocence that radiated from her face.

**Magical Princess Roni: Oh brave and wise father how are you on this wonderful morn? **

**King Ron: I'm well, oh how your sweet temperament warms mine heart. Come feast with your family. Tell me my fair child what are your plans for this weekend? I envision our family embarking on an epic journey to six flags.**

**Magical Princess Roni: I say I must apologize father; I shall be accompanied by my friends to a concert that night.**

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR The sound of a record coming to an abrupt stop

"What?" Ron rubbed his eyes and to his horror Magical Princess Roni by what must have been a dastardly wizard's spell transformed before his very eyes. She was replaced by a bubbly vibrant, vivacious teenager.

"What?" he repeated.

Kim placed a bottle of orange juice on the kitchen table "This is the first time I'm hearing about a concert"

"The Savage Dragons concert this weekend. Remember dad you said I could go."

"I did what…"

Kim eyed her daughter suspiciously "when exactly did you ask your father?"

**Three nights ago:**

**Roni leans into her parent's door to listen in.**

**Roni: Speeeeeeeeeew that is so gordy! _Hearing more than enough she takes a step back and knocks gently on the door_.**

**_Roni hears footsteps rapidly approaching the door. She inhales as it opens just a few inches. The smell of incense and the voice of Barry White filled the air right before her father's face appears at the door's opening._**

**Ron: Oh hey sweetie this really isn't a good time.**

**Roni: _looks down at the floor_ Oh I just wanted to ask you a question.**

**Ron: You know I'm always happy to lend you an ear pumpkin but can't this wait ten….fifteen…..about half an hour.**

**Roni: _Shuffles her feet_ I just thought this was kind of important.**

**Ron: Ok ask away but do it quickly, daddy has to….time's a factor honey **

**Roni: I just…there's this concert **

**Kim: _from inside the room_ Roooooooon!**

**Ron: Sure, ok, yes whatever you want baby I'm ok with it. **

**Roni blinks as the door slams shut in front of her. _She exhales and begins to walk away when the door suddenly opens up again._**

**Ron: Um if you or your brother hear anything weird…just….ignore it…or better yet repress it ok hon.**

**Roni: Sure thing dad.**

**Ron: That's my girl **

"Obviously I had other things on my mind!" Ron exclaimed. "I wasn't getting enough blood going to my brain to think straight"

"Roni" Kim said disapprovingly "You know better than to take advantage of your father when he's um not in the right state of mind"

"Oh come on. Now I can't go? Everybody's going to be at that concert"

Well…" Ron fumbled around for something to say "…I…uh if everybody was going to jump off a bridge would you do that."

Roni rolled her eyes "if they were all using that tired cliché I'd be the first one in line"

"Oh burn!" Jaime laughed

"Jaime don't burn your father it's rude….Roni we'll talk about this later." Kim said firmly.

Roni replied with an exasperated breath "That means no….I'm going to have breakfast at Becky's later."

For the first time Ron focused on what his daughter was wearing. He casually looked her over. The yellow midriff was fine, oddly reminiscent of what her mother used to wear but there was something else about her that was sending weird signals off in his brain. His eyes fell on her pants.

"That's a little short isn't it?"

Roni looked down "uh they're shorts."

"Yeah I can see that I'm just saying that from here it just seems a little short"

Her right eyebrow arched "yeah they're supposed to be short. That's why they're called shorts."

Ron nodded emphatically "Oh yeah I know, I get that…they're short that's why they're called shorts yea…its just that you know maybe it's the angle I'm looking at or how the kitchen lights are reflecting off of them. It seems at first glance to be too short; you see what I'm saying."

Roni turned to her mother "mom dad's being weird"

"Hey I'm just saying that as a casual observer, objectively…..that…" he ran his right hand across the back of his neck "Kim, help me out here."

"Have fun at Becky's sweetie" Kim kissed her daughter on the cheek and sent her on her way.

Ron stared at his wife incredulously "how could you let her go out like that?"

"Like what?" Kim asked passively.

"Like what? Didn't you see what she was wearing? I bet if we check her room right now we'll find a doll that's missing its pants!"

"Ron her shorts were fine."

"For a toddler maybe"

"Again her shorts were fine, they were fine when I wore them, they were fine when my mother wore them, and they'll be fine when Roni's daughter wears them."

Ron shook his head back and forth "Obviously my definition off fine is way off base with yours because…." Kim interrupted his rant with a light kiss on the lips.

"I…." he continued so she kissed him again deeper this time.

"Are you ok now?"

Ron sighed "one more should do the trick" She was more than willing to give him what he needed.

After breaking the kiss Kim smiled "well I knew this day would come sooner or later but, it's about time you noticed. Ron your daughter is a teenager."

She walked away leaving Ron reeling in the kitchen. Of course! Roni _was_ thirteen she was a teenager.

_My God my baby is no longer a baby!_

How…when… Time sure flies, doesn't it?! Wasn't it yesterday that he was dropping her off at preschool? Soon she'll be going off to high school and to his knowledge high schools were frequented by BOYS!

Ron quickly thought about himself at the age of thirteen.

**_Ron sits alone in his room. He flicks a playing card into an open trash can._**

**Ron: _Thinks_ I wonder what it would be like if I was making out with a girl right now.**

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If anyone knew how teenage boys think it was him. He used to be a teenaged boy and now his only sweet daughter was out there with those animals, a lamb among hormonally charged wolves.

"Dad are you ok?" Jamie asked as he loaded a cartridge into his game player "you look like you're freaking out"

"Hey isn't the rule no games at the breakfast table?"

"I think the rule should be no making out at the breakfast table. After what you and mom just put me through I've got to erase the memories somehow."

Ron was about to reprimand Jamie when an idea formed in his mind. He pulled a chair close to his son and took a seat. "Hey son, you and Roni used to share secrets right?"

"We haven't done that for years and even if I did know anything I wouldn't rat on my sister….

"Of course you wouldn't"

"Unless of course if it was for the right price" Jaime smiled as he took his eyes off the game screen"

"Why you sly fox" Ron said surprised "Hmmm all this scheming must come from your mother's side of the family but I like it...So what's the damage?"

"Ten bucks and I get you all the information you want"

"Deal!" Ron said quickly

"What do you want to know?" Jamie asked.

"BOYS!" Ron shouted then he cleared his throat "I want to know how she's doing in the boy department. Does she know any boys, is she interested in any, are there any interested in her etc…"

Jamie furrowed his brows "that might take a while…check back with me in two days and have the money ready by then." He said before returning to his game.

"Oh yeah, yeah no problem, no problem" A smile came to Ron's face as he leaned back in his chair. "Oh and don't tell your mother about this."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Ron watched intently as the little girl would skip, hop, or run past him when she saw something interesting. However, whatever it was wouldn't hold her attention long, soon she'd run back towards him, and try to keep up with his long strides. To Roni Stoppable, following daddy around was the most important thing; nothing pleased her more than being daddy's little shadow.**

"**Look daddy a squirrel" she ran towards the timid creature as the wind blew through her shoulder length hair. In Ron's mind a cuter girl could not possible exist in the universe. **

_**Every time she talks pixie dust should fall from the sky**_

**The squirrel apparently didn't appreciate such a magnitude of cuteness as it quickly scrambled up the nearest tree, scared to death by the sight of her. **

**She laughed as she watched the squirrel disappear into the tree's leaves "Daddy did you" Her laughter abruptly stopped when she turned to find her father had disappeared. **

"**Daddy! Daddy!" She ran in a frantic dash "Daddy" she shouted once again when Ron popped from behind the tree with a smile on his face. She recognized immediately that his disappearance had been a trick; she was after all a very smart girl. **

"**Daddy you're mean" she pouted, her childish disappointment showing clearly on her face. **

**Ron laughed, "I'm sorry I couldn't resist. Tell you what kiddo, how about I get you an ice cream before we get home."**

**She perked up immediately "wait a minute, is this like the times when you say something but you don't really mean it but you still said it."**

**Confusion appeared on Ron's face as he lowered himself down to one knee "what?"**

**Roni reflected on her choice of words "are you being sarcattic again?" **

"**Sarcattic? Oh! Sarcastic no..." he chuckled "Daddy is not being sarcastic, I promise." **

**Suddenly an elderly woman stopped before then "what an adorable little girl!" she said with glee. She turned to Ron "she's lovely in that dress and those shoes…"**

**"My daddy likes these shoes. He says I'm pretty in them."**

**If it was possible to overdose on pride and love, Ron would have died three times over. He watched proudly as the elderly woman continued to compliment Roni a few more times before leaving.**

**After the praise Roni brought her mouth to Ron's ears "I have an idea let's buy some cookies too" she whispered to him as if she was passing on an important secret created for his ears only.**

"**Oh no, I'm not falling for that one again. Cookies and ice cream will spoil your dinner and then mommy will get mad at daddy."**

**She tilted her, pushed out her bottom lip and hit him with one of the most powerfully puppy dog pouts he had ever witnessed, it almost buckled his knees. **

"**Where did you learn that?" **

"**Mommy did it when daddy didn't do his chores" **

**Amazing, clearly there was nothing he could do; who could resist the power of this mini PDP, not him **

"**Alright but just one little cookie" **

"**Booyah!" she cheered before placing her tiny hand in his "you know what daddy."**

"**What?" **

"**I'm going to marry you, when I grow up"**

**He laughed again "I hate to break it to you sweetie but I'm already taken. Mommy got to me first, and you know finders keepers."**

"**That's not fair I want to marry you."**

"**Sorry honey mommy made daddy promise that he could only marry her. And I've got to keep that promise forever under penalty of death"**

"**Really?"**

"**Yep, but I'll tell you what pumpkin. You will always be my precious princess and I mean that forever."**

"**Ok" she replied "I like that" she smiled at him and he couldn't help but see Kim shining through his daughter face.**

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ron traced his hands around the frame of Roni's preschool graduation photo when a loud cough broke his concentration. He turned to the only other person in the living room.

Jamie looked over his shoulders once then twice. "I've got what you need."

It was about time. Ron had waited those two torturous days with bated breath. Finally he'd get the answers he craved.

"Shhh" he said he grabbed his son by the shoulders and led him into the garage where he turned on the garage radio to its maximum volume.

"If either your mother or your sister find out about this we'll be dead before we hit the ground." He whispered.

"WHAT?" Jamie cried over the loud music.

Ron quickly fumbled to turn the radio down "just tell me everything you know"

"Ok, good news or bad news"

"Good, no ba…no good…good news first."

"Roni's doesn't have a boyfriend and she never had one, she's never even come close."

A wave of relief washed over Ron's body. "Ok what's the bad news?"

"She's crushing on someone"

"What who?"

"Some dude named Greg"

"She's crushing real bad?"

"Like a wrecking ball" Jaime answered

Ron cracked his knuckles "ok what's the sitch does he know she's crushing or what?"

"What's the sitch? Are people still saying that?"

"Just answer the question"

"I'm not sure but uh" a mischievous smile crawled across his face "I might be able to find out more if I listen in while Roni's on the phone. Maybe check an email of two, but that's going to cost extra."

"What? I know for a fact you do those things for free just to annoy your sister"

"Hey I'm putting my butt on the line here. I'm risking an Indian burn on each arm and a atomic wedgie from Roni plus a three day grounding from mom if I get caught. So do we have a deal?"

"How about I ground you for a month?"

"How about I tell mom who really broke her vase?" Jaime countered.

Ron eyed his son "you wouldn't dare?"

"Is it a deal or not?"

"You're quite cunning, you know that?" Ron reluctantly reached for his wallet "Honor thy mother and **father **it's in the Torah remember that…..You take a check?"

"You should know I wasn't raised a fool, cash up front"

Ron handed his son a ten piece "alright let's get out here before your mother gets suspicious. If we're not careful she'll sniff us out like a wolf." He told his son as they exited the garage.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok she's crushing, that's natural, perfectly natural for a girl her age. In fact there was nothing wrong with her crushing on a boy. Hell, she could crush away just as long as she didn't _act _on the crush everything would be fi……

He stopped as Roni crossed his path in the hallway "Hey hon h---" he stopped short when he noticed the Ipod earphones hanging from her head effectively cutting her off from the rest of the reality. She had been wearing them frequently these past few days. It would take no less than a shotgun blast to the face to grab her attention with those on. He sighed as she briskly walked past him into the living room. Ron started off in the opposite direction.

It was a very odd. It was as if an aggressive, yet subdued, sarcastic and indifferent teenager who wears tight jeans and seems to have grown at least two bra sizes overnight had replaced his loving, and angelic daughter.

When did this happen and why didn't anyone prepare him for it.

_What the hell……_

Ron caught himself just as he opened his daughter's top desk drawer. He was shocked to find that he was now standing in his daughter's room.

_When did I get here?_

Somehow he had unconsciously invaded the sanctity of his daughter's room. It was a terrible breach of privacy, if she caught him in here. She'd never speak to him again. He slowly stared to back away towards the door when something caught his eye. A magazine on her desk opened to a page of an attractive young woman posing seductively.

"Elizabeth's Secrets magazine?"

Momentarily ignoring his delicate predicament Ron was inexplicably drawn to the magazine. As he took a second to admire the professional lighting and the other artistic merits of the picture, he spotted something on the page that chilled him to the bone.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kim tested the warmth of the bath water with the tip of her toes before completely immersing herself in it. She felt her muscles relax and any tensions she had, slowly eased out of her body. Having a family of her own gave her a new found respect for her own mother.

She started to lather herself up with Ivory soap; it was the simple pleasures like these that made life worth living.

"Kim!!" Ron cried as he burst into the bathroom. He thrust the magazine in her face "Take a look at this!"

She glanced at the magazine "wow she's hot, why are you showing me this?"

"Forget the fact that she's obviously hot, look at the bottom of the page someone circled the price!"

Kim nodded in agreement "yes, someone did"

"Do you realize what is being sold here?" Ron asked

"A thong" Kim replied

"Do you know who's room I found this in?"

She smiled "Uh unless Jamie is keeping a huge secret from us I'd have to guess Roni's room"

Ron forced a sarcastic chuckle "oh Kim I love how nonchalant you are about this. I know I'd be too, except for the fact that my innocent, sweet, daughter is trying to order a thong!"

"And?"

"And?" Ron was taken aback "do you know who wears thongs, people with names like Candy, and Diamond and they dance around a pole for a living."

"I wore a thong"

"You were seventeen at the time! And you weren't my daughter!"

"What's going on in here?" Jaime asked as he peered into the bathroom.

"Does your sister have any body glitter?"

"Not that I know of"

Ron sighed in relief "oh thank God. Strippers usually bathe in body glitter"

"And how did you come across this piece of knowledge?" Kim asked

"I don't….I….Felix told me. That guy's a pervert."

"Jamie shut the bathroom door and go to bed" She turned to her husband "Ron calm down after I finish up in here, we'll go talk to Roni."

"Talk to her! We've got to put the fear of God into her Kim and by we I mean you."

"What?"

"I can't face her, what if she cries, than I'll cry, and I can't see how that would help the situation"

"Fine I'll talk to her" Kim said resigning to the fact it would probably be easier talking to her daughter without Ron.

"Good, good" Ron took a deep breath before looking down at his wife in the bathroom "so you've got any extra room in there" he said with just a dash of seduction in his voice.

She conjured up a look of faux excitement on her face "Ah…no" she said simply "this is my alone time" she told him with a hint of seduction in her own voice "why don't you take a rain check?"

"I'm going to hold you to that" he smirked before shuffling out of the room

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A few hours later Ron lay tentatively in bed awaiting the result of Kim's "talk" with Roni. If everything went well Kim would convince Roni that she wouldn't need a thong for at least another ten years or until her wedding night whichever came first. Hopefully it was the ten years.

His eyes widened when Kim walked through the bedroom door.

"Oh Roni and had quite a productive chat. She aired everything out." Kim said before Ron could ask.

"And?"

"The magazine belongs to her friend she circled the price to try to get Roni to order the thong. I told her that I think that she's too young for that sort of thing. Apparently and luckily she agreed with that, she honestly thought about getting it but then she had decided against it."

"That's my girl"

Kim crawled into bed next to him "So after that we had a talk about the unhealthy image magazines like these can give girls."

"Beautiful Kim I knew I could count on you."

She pulled the covers over her body "by the way she told me why she was thinking about getting a thong in the first place."

Ron blinked at her "really what did she say?"

Kim yawned "I'm not a medium between you and our daughter. Why don't you talk to her yourself?"

"Talk to her…..is that how it's going to be?"

She turned her back to him "that's how it's going to be"

Ron thought about it for a moment "fine I'll talk to her. I can do that. I'm her father after all….it'll be fine."

Kim closed her eyes "great"

Ron quickly thought about different ways to draw his daughter into a conversation. He had to plot a casual and spontaneous conversation between them. He was deep in thought when something more important came to mind.

"Hey Kim"

"Hmmmm?"

"I'm thinking about cashing in that rain check."

"Sorry baby the bank's closed for the night."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So Mr. Stoppable, how are you feeling?"

Ron struggled against restraints. He was tied to a torture rack-like device and he had gone hours wasting his energy trying to escape.

"I've had better days Bloefield" Ron commented angrily "but it'll get better when I kill you."

The villain with the black eye patch cackled maniacally as he tenderly stroked the snow white cat in his lap. He sat in a throne like chair as he watched Ron struggled valiantly before his very eyes. Ron's groans and grunts echoed across the walls of the large chasm like room

"Struggle all you want 009 but you won't escape. But cheer up my dear fellow I've got a very special surprise for you." He pushed a few buttons on his seat and a panel slid open in the ground allowing a tremendously large screen to come up from the floor.

"You'll enjoy this surprise very much"

"What do you want Bloefield, do you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr. Stoppable I expect you to suffer" he pushed another button and the television came to life. Ron looked up on the screen to see an audience of creepy and pervy men eagerly staring up at a stage with a pole in the center.

"What is this Bloefi--- Ron was the interrupted by a booming voice from the television

WWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEELOME to the Candy Shop where our luscious ladies hand out treats, keep your eyes on the stage and welcome our main attraction the Mad Doggette Mocha!!!!!!

"What's going on?" Ron cried out as cheesy 80's rock music blasted from the screen.

_She's my cherry pie. Cool drink of water. Such a sweet surprise_

Suddenly a woman wearing nothing but a bikini and the head of Ron's old Mad Dogg costume stepped from behind the curtains on the stage. The room erupted with hoots and hollers.

_Tastes so good, make a grown man cry. Sweet Cherry Pie! _

The girl rocked the Mad Dogg head back and forth letting the foam from its mouth spray over the audience, dollars bills flooded the stage.

She pulled herself closer to the pole and started to gyrate against it

"No it can't be!" Ron cried.

"What's wrong 009 I thought you were one of the toughest men alive" cackled Bloefield.

_Yeah, Wow, Heh, Heh Well swinging on the front porch; swinging on the lawn. Swinging where we want, cause there ain't nobody home. Swingin' to the left and swingin' to the right. I think about baseball, I'll swing all night, yeah, yeah, yeah - huh!_

To Ron's horror the young woman suddenly whipped off the dog head and tossed it to the crowd.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ron released a scream from the depths of his lungs, a primal scream animalistic in nature, a scream of pain akin to those heard on battlefields. There on the stage was an older yet seemingly the same version of his daughter.

"No it can't be true. It can't be!"

"Oh yes it can be Mr. Stoppable and I assure you it is."

Roni stretched her right leg along the pole and to the delight of the crowd she licked herself from her thigh to her toes.

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!" Ron screeched as Roni then proceeded to swing herself around the pole.

_Swingin in the living room, swingin' in the kitchen, most folks don't. Cause they're too busy #itchin' Swingin' in there. Cause she wanted me to feed her, so I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater. I scream, you scream, we all scream for her. Don't even try, cause you can't ignore her._

"I'll talk Bleofield. I'll tell you whatever you want, just make it stop." Ron attempted to shut his eyes but two mechanical hands sprung from the sides of the rack and forced his eyes open.

Roni walked to the edge of the stage admonishing the cheering crowd. _She's my cherry pie. Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise. _ The she reached for her back…..

"Please baby no!"

_Tastes so good make a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie, oh yeah!_

……And she threw off her bikini top.

Ron felt himself faint but he couldn't pass out. He willed himself to faint but the darkness wouldn't come

_Swing it, all night long. Swing it, hey, hey, Ow!_

"God please strike me blind!"

Roni seemed to be enjoying her self as she swung her hips and gyrated for the group of shiftless men. She danced without a care in the world.

"This is my favorite part Mr. Stoppable watch as she drops it like it was hot"

_I'm a trained professional. Swingin' in the bathroom, swingin' on the floor. Swingin' so hard….._

Roni reached for her bottom piece as Ron begged for the sweet mercy of death.

……_Forgot to lock the door, in walks her daddy, standin' six foot four. Said, "You ain't gonna swing, with my daughter no more."_

"Now that's what I call bootylicious 009. I must commend you though the girl is a real hottie the product of some spankin genes I bet"

"I'LL KILL YOU BOEFIELD I SWEAR I WILL!"

"Now Mr. Stoppable don't over extend yourself, or you won't be able to get to the best part."

_She's my cherry pie; put a smile on your face, ten miles wide looks so good bring a tear to your eye!_

Ron's eyes went wide with horror like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler "B…Best…..Part"

"The ping pong ball trick of course "

_Sweet cherry pie!_

Ron trashed under the covers before springing upright in bed. Sweat cascaded down his face as he gasped for breath. He hadn't had a nightmare that scary since his summers at the camp that shall not be named. He took a deep breath and turned to the sleeping form of his wife lying peacefully next to him.

There was no point in waking her up. He wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve and climbed out of bed. One thing for sure he wasn't going back to sleep tonight. Quietly he shambled into the living and plopped himself on the coach.

_Maybe a little T.V will calm me down_.

With a simple click it was on

Daddy's little girls are letting it all hang out. That's right Girls Gone Wild Middleton featuring the hottest barely leg—

With another simple click it was off.

As Ron contemplated throwing the television out of a second story window, he heard footsteps coming from the kitchen.

Roni poured herself a cup of water just as her father walked into the kitchen. "Hey dad" she said when he entered her field of vision.

"Getting a cup of water?"

"Yep" she replied.

Ron looked around nervously "Uh I heard about the thing with your mother….ah your talk about the thing."

"The thong?"

"Oh is that what it was. I thought it was dental floss...heh…heh"

Roni didn't laugh, a heavy cloud of awkwardness floated over both of them.

"You don't have to worry about it dad. I thought about getting it to impress this guy---

_Guy?_

-----but I decided not to go through with it."

"You made the right choice baby, because at this age guys can….well the thing is… hold on" Ron stopped to get himself a glass of water

He put the glass to his lips. "Are we going to talk about sex? Because I already know about sex"

Roni took a step back as Ron did a massive spit-take sending water flying across the room "I mean I've already had the "talk" with mom."

"OH!" Ron said as water dribbled down his lips and chins "ok that's a relief, but at the same time I think that we should….." he gulped "talk about um----

This was it. It was time he laid down the law. She was forbidden to talk to boys, and she wouldn't be allowed to date until she was thirty. He'd lock her in the basement if he had too.

He straightened up, planted his feet and looked his daughter squarely in the eye.

**Magical Princess Roni: You were saying faaaather. **

**King Ron: Oh my sweet angel, why am I keeping you awake at this hour? Little darlings such as you need your rest. Go sleep we shall speak on the morrow where I shall shower you with gifts, candy, unicorns, rainbows whatever your heart desires it shall be yours.**

Five minutes later as Ron stood alone mopping up the kitchen floor it occurred to him that there was only one man who could help him now.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I swear if this is another telemarketer" James Possible yawned and ran his hands through the wisps of grey in his hair as he reached for the screeching phone "do you know what time it is?" he answered gruffly.

"James is that you… its Ron"

"Ronald?"

"I've got a huge problem it's Roni…I just noticed a few days ago….she….she's a teenager James!"

James Possible immediately grasped the enormity of the situation "I knew this day would come"

"What do I…I don't know James I don't know what to do!"

"Ronald listen to me, it'll be fine. Meet me at the space center tomorrow morning at eight."

"The space center?"

"Trust me Ronald this is for your own good!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Middleton Space Center:

"You see Ronald. We grew up as boys. We simply have no experience in what it's like to grow up a girl, which makes in increasingly difficult to relate to our daughters, difficult but not impossible."

Ron looked around as he followed James through what seemed to be a typical laboratory. Yet there was something unusual about this one. It was giving off signals on his wierdar… maybe it was the crying man in the corner of the room.

"If I say I like something, she will say she doesn't. If I want her to do one thing, she will want to do the opposite. She tells me that I need to give her space, but if she loves me, why is she pushing me out of her life?"

Another scientist in a white lab coat began to comfort him "It's ok Bill most likely she simultaneously desperately wants you to approve of her, and yet feels the need to rebel in order to establish her own identity. She may very well feel that only if she breaks away from how she was raised, from what you want of her, from what she has been"

"What is this place?" Ron asked when yet another scientist burst in the room with a large box in his arms "I've finally done it!" he announced. "Protect your daughter's virtue while giving her the right amount of comfort and support with the new Electric Under-Wire Bra. If her boyfriend gets a little too adventurous well let's say that there will be sparks flying between the two love birds!"

The crowing scientist was immediately mobbed by dozens of his colleagues each one clawing savagely at the box.

James smiled "What is this place you ask? This is a place for scientists who have trouble solving the mysteries of the entities known as daughters. It's sort of a training ground of father hood."

The excitement on Ron's face was clear "yes this is exactly the training that I need!"

James signaled for Ron to follow him "let's get you into the VR room."

"VR room, sweet!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ron found himself alone in a room of all white. There were no walls and things seemed to stretch out to infinity in all directions. He was going to take a step forward when a hologram of James Possible materialized in front of him.

"How are you feeling Ronald?"

"I can't complain really. Hey is this a sitch where I can think of something and it'll come to me out of the blue."

"Actually yes that is the case"

Ron ran his hands under his chin and a nanosecond later a 1920s style Tommy gun appeared in his hands "Cool!"

"Disappear" the gun instantly vanished immediately after he willed it to. "Let's try something fun"

He was quickly pleased to see Kim standing before him wearing nothing but a teddy, a bottle of whipped cream in one hand and a bowl of fudge in the other. He growled as virtual Kim winked at him.

"Ronald, please" Holo James cried as he covered his eyes.

"Sorry" Ron reluctantly willed the Holo Kim away "Ok I'm good to go let's get this party started."

"Wait let's go over the rules first. We're going to run you through some father daughter interactions. Now if you handle these correctly you'll hear a ding and we can move on to the next round, if you get it wrong you'll be punished by a light electric shock."

Ron puffed up his chest "I'm ready"

Holo James dematerialized and Ron was suddenly transported into the living room of his house.

"Daddy you're home!"

Ron turned towards the voice "Hey pumpkin"

Holo Roni greeted him with smile that could brighten the grayest days and the darkest nights "Daddy can I have a new Prada bag." She asked.

Ron reached for his wallet "of course, how much does it cost?"

"Five hundred dollars"

Ron did a double take followed by a nervous chuckle "Oh sweetie I don't think daddy can afford that"

**Magical Princess Roni: Pweeeze **

_**Ron immediately opened his wallet up wide revealing everything he had including his credit cards **_

**King Ron: Please sweetheart take it all what's mine is yours.**

An electrical current sent a wave of fire throughout his body causing him to lose all of his motor skills and he instantly collapsed onto the ground.

"I thought it was just a light shock" Ron gasped.

"Sorry Ronald" said a voice in his head "But there's only one way to get through this without paying through the nose and without looking like the bad guy."

_One way huh? _

From the ground Ron contemplated the meaning of this riddle. How was it possible to protect his life savings and still look good in his daughter's eyes? He closed his eyes and meditated.

"Daddy can I have a Prada Purse" Holo-Roni repeated.

That's when the answer came to him. He cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. He opened his eyes and said "Ask your mother baby"

DING

"Excellent Ronald you figured that out in record time! Shall we move on to the next one?"

Ron smiled "Let's do this"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Scenario 15

"Ronald you're doing fantastic so far but keep in mind that things will get more difficult from now on"

"Don't worry about me…I've got this fatherhood thing in the bag---

"Dad you're not going to believe this" exclaimed Holo Roni

"What is it hon?"

"I just met the cutest guy online. He's fifteen he likes the same music I do and now he wants to meet up with me at the abandoned warehouse district downtown."

"Is that right?" Ron said whimsically.

A minute later he burst through her bedroom door swat-style. He carried Jamie's lucky bat into the room with him and proceeded to wail on the computer to the point where he resembled a primitive man attempting to break into a coconut using a bone.

After stopping for a moment to spit on the hard drive he finally felt the sting of satisfaction from eliminating the threat to his family.

He took a second to catch his breath "See you in hell myspace. From now on anything internet friendly is banned from this house." It was then that another electrical shock sent him reeling towards ground

"Ok I may have gone a little over board there." Ron admitted.

"Obviously" said the voice in his head. "Ronald you of all people should no that there is no accounting for teen stupidity. Look at this from her perspective she may well be convinced, based on the amount of time she's spent talking with this guy, that she knows him. She may even be convinced that he loves her. Destroying her computer and banning the internet will end in fights and force her to be even more rebellious."

"You're absolutely right" Ron pulled himself up. He brushed the pieces of the shattered computer monitor off his clothes and walked towards his holo daughter who was waiting for him at the doorway of the room.

He put his arm around her shoulders "Honey I'll admit this guy may not be an axe murder. He might be the real deal a true blue fifteen year old boy and not a forty year creepy pedo looking for his next victim. I understand that, but a lot of girls have thought the same thing only to have things end in tragedy. If I hadn't destroyed your computer I'd be able to show you news clips where girls you're age have been fooled by predators over the net."

"I guess you're right" Holo Roni agreed

"Next time you meet someone online tell him to meet you at home. So he can meet you're family first and we can have dinner. My only concern is that you're happy"

DING

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Scenario 48

"Hahahaha oh Marmaduke thinks he's people" Ron flipped to the second page of the funnies when he heard a knock on his door. Placing the comics section to the side he got up from his recliner and made his way towards the front door.

He opened it and was greeted by young man a few years older than Roni's. He wore typical skater boy gear with his hat on backwards.

"Hi um I'm here to pick up Roni we have a date."

Ron looked the boy over and then he noticed the car in his driveway "That's your Camaro?"

"Yeah that's me alright"

"That's a lot of room you got in the back seat there"

The boy shrugged "I guess"

Ron returned his attention back to the boy "how old are you?"

"Seventeen"

"Seventeen" Ron repeated "Hmmm, look uh Roni came down with a bad case of leprosy in her armpits so she wont be able to go out. Uh I guess all I can really tell you is to never come back here again and stay way from my daughter. Thanks for coming" With a loud slam Ron shut the door in the boy's face.

It didn't take more than five seconds before he felt another powerful shock.

"Come on!" he shouted "The guy was seventeen and he has a car! Do you know what having a car means? There's going to be gasping for breaths, grabbing at the chest, moans and grunts… and that's just going to be me having a heart attack waiting for her to get home!"

"But---" the voice started

"Seventeen is closer to twenty than thirteen" Ron countered.

"………I guess you do have a point."

DING

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Ronald why don't we stop for the day?"

Ron sneered arrogantly at no one in particular "What are you kidding me I'm on a roll; I'll have this daddy thing mastered before you know it. Run the next one then step back and watch a perfect father do his thing."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life….Bring it on!"

"Ok running scenario AlphaCharlie……Ronald I must warn you this is a Class A Scenario one of the most advanced…..

"Blah, blah….just run the thang."

"……..Godspeed Ronald."

Ron cracked his knuckles as he once again found himself in a virtual simulation of his house. Before he could do or say anything Roni popped out in front in him.

"Daddy I've got something to tell you but promise me that you won't get angry."

"Awww" Ron cupped her face with his hand "Sweetie you know you can tell me anything. What's the problem did you get a B minus on your midterm?"

She sniffed "I think I'm pregnant."

Ron blinked_…Hmmmm light headedness check, sweating check, nausea check, shortness of breath check, uncomfortable pain in the center of the chest check, discomfort in the arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach check, feeling of impeding doom check…..Yep I'm definitely having a heart attack._

"Glarrrrg" was the closet thing to a word Ron managed to utter before he blacked out.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"He's blacking out" someone called out

Ron groaned "my baby"

"Someone get the oxygen"

"My baby what did they do to my baby. What do I do now?"

He blacked out for a second time

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was late that afternoon when Ron parked in the driveway of his actual house

"Yeah don't worry about me Mr. P I'm find just a little disappointed." He said into this cell phone.

"There's no need to be feel disparaged Ronald it's impossible to learn everything in one day. It takes weeks of training before the results can be seen."

Ron let out a breath "you're right. I can't believe I actually fainted back there."

"Ronald you're not the first one to "lose it" on AlphaCharlie. I've seen Marines weep openly like little children when facing that test."

Ron took a moment to gather his thoughts "I don't want to be one of those dad's sitting on the porch with a shotgun…..but I want the best for Roni."

"I went through the same thing with Kim too, the thing that's different about girls and their fathers is this: As a father, even if your little girl looks like you, when you look into her face, you'll see the young woman you fell in love with years ago, except in a fresh face filled with adoration for you. It just makes you feel special being the center of that attention."

"Hit the nail right on the head Mr. P….right on the head. Hey let me ask you something after the first Black Hole Deep conversation you…you didn't really give me that much trouble with Kim."

"Oh well it didn't take that long for me to realize I could trust you. It was Kim I had to keep an eye on, I ended up worrying that you'd become more afraid of her than of me."

Looking back on it Ron realized that he wasn't the one who initiated most of their physical contact in the younger days. Fact was she had been downright insatiable at times, still was…and he had learned a long time ago that there wan no refusi….ok he was going off on a tangent.

"Wow it makes me happy to know I had your trust."

"You still do. Not just with Kim but with Roni and Jaime."

"Thanks for everything. I appreciate all the help you've given me over the years…well this isn't time to get nostalgic….I'll see you this weekend" Ron ended his conversation with his father-in law and started up towards his home.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He only took half a step inside the house when Kim stepped out in front of him "oh Ron you're back."

"Yeah" he made a move past her.

"Hold on Ron you have to prepare to meet Roni's friend Greg."

_Greg was a funny name for a girl_

"Why would I need to prepare to meet Roni's….._wait a minute Greg!_

Ron stepped into the living room to see a Roni sitting on the couch next to some good for nothing, long haired, shifty eyed troublemaker.

"Hey" Roni ran up to Ron and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Daddy this is my friend Greg."

Greg stood up "Sup"

Ron swallowed the lump of cotton in his throat and smiled

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"This is a banging TV you've got here dude." Greg said as he flipped through the channels.

_Dude? Try Mr. Stoppable you rude son of a -----_

"So Roni" Kim stated sensing the change in the atmosphere "why don't you give me a hand with the drinks."

Roni followed her mother to the kitchen leaving Ron alone with her potential romantic interest.

"Sweet Rocky four I love this movie"

"You do?" Ron leaned forward in his recliner "I must break you." he said menacingly.

Greg was taken aback at first, and Ron relished the fear in his eyes. But eventually he started to laugh.

"Oh" Greg said as it finally dawned on him. He then laughed along with Ron "that was a great Drago impression dude you sounded just like him."

"Well I've seen this movie like fifty times" Ron admitted as he leaned back into the chair.

"Man Talia Shire is so hot as Adrian in this movie" Greg commented a moment later. "But she's no where near as hot as Mrs. Stoppable"

Ron could feel the pulsating veins on his forehead "what?"

"I mean like whoa you're one lucky dude man. Your wife is smoking, but she must have been flaming when she was younger. Hey can you imagine if Roni grows up to look like her that's going to be something kna what a mean?"

Ron licked his lips and closed his eyes. He tried in vain to remember the little training he had gotten earlier.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So guys how-" Kim stopped in her tracks when she reentered the living room "Uh honey where's…

"Where's Greg?" Roni asked before she could.

Ron took his eyes off the television screen and looked up at two of the most important females in his life.

"Yeah….about Greg…..I may have thrown him out….and I'm pretty sure he went home" _Should I mention that I threatened to do him bodily harm?_

Kim sighed "Oh lord"

"WHAT?" Roni ran towards the window. It was true Greg was nowhere to be seen.

"Kim I had too that guy was continents of bad road."

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Roni screamed before Kim could say a word.

"Honey I was doing if for your own good. When you're an adult you'll realize that—

'I HATE YOU" Roni screamed at him once again before running up the stairs in tears.

"Ron I didn't like the boy either but there are better ways of handling things then ….Ron."

He turned to her "she said she hates me I know that's probably not true…but still…that….that really hurt" he whimpered

Kim could see the genuine sadness in Ron's eyes. This was the first time anything had come between Ron and Roni.

She gave him a hug "don't worry everything will be fine"

"Yeah I know" Ron said "I know"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A few days later:

Kim was enjoying a light nap on the couch when she felt someone take a seat at the other end. She opened one eye to see Roni sitting at the edge of her feet.

"Are you ok honey?"

"I'm fine….I" she seemed like she wanted to say something else, but then she changed her mind at the last second. "I'm uh fine" she picked up the remote and began to flip through the channels.

"Hey what's the deal with dad?" Jamie said as he abruptly entered the room. Kim noticed that Roni had suddenly taken interest in the conversation. "I've trying to get him to play Crypt Raider with me but he's floating around the house like Marley's ghost."

"Well you know how your father is. His feelings are easily hurt" Roni's shoulders slumped at the statement.

"Yeah but I thought he apologized."

They both stared at Roni for a brief second before returning to their conversation. "I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe he doesn't feel like he's been forgiven."

"Hmm kind of reminds me off this quote I heard in school. "There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love." And with that Jamie swiftly exited the room.

Roni twitched nervously for a moment or so until it was apparent that she couldn't stay in the room any longer. She jumped off the couch in a huff and walked out.

Minutes later Jamie returned "alright I helped out can I have my games back now?"

"Sorry this is your punishment for spying on your sister"

"It was dad's idea!"

"I know I'll deal with him after Roni apologizes. Now go clean your room."

"Aw" Jaime kicked the carpet and mumbled under his breath as he walked out of the room.

Kim smiled and continued concentrating on her nap.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ron turned the radio up as he sat alone in the garage. It had been a couple of days since he had attempted to apologize to Roni but she still hated him. Ok he was sure she didn't hate him but she was still angry with him. So he decided to throw himself into the Daddy-daughter training and come back as the most perfect father ever. And he started by buying the take-home manual.

He flipped through the thick textbook- like-manual "look for opportunities to bring up issues in a natural way. For example, watching a movie together like "While You Were Sleeping" or "Sleepless in Seattle" can allow some conversation about crushes. Popular television shows like "90210 or Melrose place" can lead to similar discussions."

_That seems reasonable_ Ron continued to skim through the book "Talking to a hormonal teen is like negotiating an agreement with terrorist. Logic and rational discussions may be far and few between.'

_Ha! Tell me about_…._Were Kim and I that insane when we were younger? Everything we did seemed logical back then_

Ahem

Ron looked up from the manual "Roni?"

"Hey" she said timidly

"What are you doing in here?"

"I um heard the song on the radio and I thought I'd come in and listen"

Ron watched her curiously "you like the Delfonics…I'm surprised it's a little before your time" Ron stated

"Actually this song came out in 1970 so it's before your time as well."

Ron nodded in agreement "Touché"

Roni strolled further into the garage "Hmmm, hmmm, hmmmm, didn't I blow your mind this time, didn't I do it, baby. Didn't I do it, baby."

Ron laughed "you always did have a great voice."

"Actually I know this song because it played in the waiting room at the doctor's office when I had that fever. I remember that you were more nervous about my appointment than I was."

"Wow you're right I do remember that---

"Dad I'm sorry about saying I hate you."

"Ah Roni I know you don't hate me, you were just upset about----

"No I'm really sorry I never should have said it. I could never hate you dad, never in a million years."

_Don't cry dude you're a grown man_ "Thank you that really means allot to me."

She sniffed. The she opened her mouth to say something more but nothing came out at first "I'll see you at dinner I guess" she said eventually.

"Yeah"

"Ok" she said before walking out.

Ron tapped his fingers on the manual. His family was complete again, everything had worked out for the best he should have been on cloud nine but something still felt off. Warning signals were going off in his brain. Something was definitely wrong

He closed the book placed it on the shelf and exited the garage. He walked on to the hallway and headed towards the staircase. He went up the stars, walked past his bedroom and knocked softly on Roni's door.

"Hey pumpkin, are you ok? Roni?" He gently pushed the door open and heard the sounds of gentle sobs.

"Dad" Roni sat up in her bed wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. 'What are you doing here?"

"Why are you crying?" He sat down next to her. She was hesitant at first but it was obvious that she wanted to get something off her chest.

"I broke up with Greg"

SHE WAS GOING OUT WITH THAT JACK#$#!!!!!

"Oh what happened?" Ron inquired.

She sniffed again "He did something I didn't like"

Ron instantly jumped to his feet and made his way towards the door "dad where are you going?"

"Don't worry angel" he said in a very serious tone "It's a crime of passion with good behavior daddy should get out in twenty years."

"No wait" she grabbed him by the arm "it wasn't anything like that, I meant to say he said something I didn't like, something about you"

"Oh" Ron sat back down "It's my fault oh baby I'm sorry---

"No don't be" she interrupted "You were right Greg was jerk. He was galaxies of bad road." Her bottom lip quivered "I can't believe I thought he was nice guy"

Suddenly the damn broke and she began to cry again, Ron embraced his daughter with a tight hug.

"Hey don't worry about it……..You just had your first crush, ok so it didn't work out um…" Ron searched for something else to say "life is like….its like, it's like this show I use to watch called The Wonder Years. They made it look in the last episode that the two main characters Kevin and Winnie would probably be together and in love for life, and in the last minute of the show they tell you about how they had separate families in the future. That made me angry as heck but I guess the point of the story was that when you're young you think love or in your case a crush will last forever when in reality, you don't really know if that person is the "forever one"

"You found your "forever one" when you were six."

"Oh well" Ron stammered "that's a really special case and even then it took ten years before we got to together. And I thank God every day for that."

"Dad I can't believe I'm saying this but I think your "Wonder Years" talk actually made me feel a little better."

"Don't thank me honey, thank the magic of television." Ron kissed his daughter on the cheek.

"Dad do you think I'm strange."

"Strange? Strange is good I like strange. And let me tell you something kiddo you might seem strange to some but I see you, and I see Kim's wit, wisdom, smile, and her stubbornness…But that's not all I see my mother's compassion, and my grandmother's pride, and Mrs. P delicate grace." He cupped both her cheeks and made as if he was studying her face "and unfortunately for you I see a little of myself, probably why you're getting that strange vibe from."

Roni laughed.

"You babe and your brother are my tiny piece of immortality. Strange or not you guys are special."

Tears slid down her face "I love you dad"

"Right back atcha pumpkin"

"You know if this was a movie there'd be some sappy music playing in the background."

He smiled "yea and I know the perfect song" He made a popping sound with his mouth "ba boom, boom, boom"

Her eyes lit up "yea lollipop, lollipop. Oh lolli, lolli, lolli, lollipop, lollipop."

They laughed. _Maybe I don't need as much training as I thought_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Four months later.

Kim and Ron sat on the porch when a young man on a two seated bike greeted them from across the street.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. S" the boy called out.

"And here comes the man who'll take my daughter away"

Kim squeezed his arm "they're not getting married Ron"

"He doesn't even look like a guy. From here looks like a giant member wearing a bicycle helmet."

Kim laughed "ok now I think you need professional help"

Roni came out of the house wearing a bike helmet of her own. She kissed both of her parents on the cheeks and bounded towards her new friend.

"Have a nice day honey Kim called out.

"Oh and don't forget if you make her cry I make you cry" Ron shouted. Kim playfully slapped him on the shoulder "Ron!"

"What was that about?" The boy asked.

"Don't worry…that's just daddy-speak for I love you."

The boy just shrugged "Cool, you want to ride up front"

"Booyah, yes" she exclaimed as she mounted the bike

* * *

A/N Hopefully you found this fic funny if you did drop me a review why don't ya? Anyway I think Ron would be an overprotective father but that's just my opinion what do you guys think?  



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